I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize