I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
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he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
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His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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