I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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