Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
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Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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