how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize