ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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