Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Is it penis luge time yet?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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