You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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