There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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