So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
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There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
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You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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