he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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