i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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