just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
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Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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