Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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