dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
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i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
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Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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