Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
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Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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