dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize