tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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