All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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