They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
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drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
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The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
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