wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize