I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize