She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize