I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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