I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
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I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
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You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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