420 ftw
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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