the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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