I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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