Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
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i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
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Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
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