My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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