Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize