Its about making memories worth repressing
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
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Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
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I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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