the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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