My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
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its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
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