I accidentally had phone sex last night
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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