Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
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My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
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I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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