True but thats because hes a fetus.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
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So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
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We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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