so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I could fuck to npr.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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