its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Randomize