when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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