And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
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I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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