I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
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Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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