Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
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I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
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Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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