i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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