So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
it was like having sex with a tree stump
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
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