Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
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He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
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You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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