addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
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then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
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I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
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