areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize