When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize