He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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